Submission – what does it really mean?

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Ephesians 5:22-24

What should you do when you feel that your husband isn’t treating you right? Maybe you can sense a reoccurring streak of selfishness, or maybe it’s as bad as a complete disregard for how you feel. Worse than that, perhaps you can see that he is making poor choices or ignoring the mandates set forth in God’s Word. How can you make him understand? The short answer: you can’t. You can try to reason with him; respectfully tell him exactly how you feel. Sometimes your honesty will be enough to make him take a second look at things. But in the long run, you can’t force him to believe differently about something or to behave in a certain way.

How then, should you react? Here’s my advice, although many may not agree. The Bible commands wives to submit to their husbands. I know, I know; it also commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. That means that your husband should listen to your opinions and give them a lot of weight in his decision-making, right? Well, the truth is, however your husband decides to interpret that verse, it shouldn’t have any impact on the way you interpret the preceding ones. You see, those verses aren’t set up like “if…then” statements. If the husband loves his wife, then the wife submits to her husband. What if your husband isn’t a Christian at all, and gives no thought to the Bible whatsoever? Does that automatically make you the decision-maker of the household? Because your decisions are the right ones? No. Every wife believes her opinions to be the right ones – all the time. The Bible doesn’t say, “Therefore, whosoever is wrong shall submit to whosoever is right.” God has ordained your husband to make family decisions.

The only time you can disobey your husband is if he asks you to sin against God. You cannot force him to act the way you believe God wants him to. I have found that approaching God’s command this way frees me from worry about the effects of my husband’s decisions. I obey God by obeying my husband; everything that happens in my life as a result is God’s responsibility. You see, God will never punish you for obeying him. In fact, the only way you can find His perfect will is to obey Him to the letter – even if you feel that God’s will is being hindered by others in your life. Believe me; He does have the power to perfectly order your life in spite of other humans.

Your only job is to act the way you believe God wants you to act. As a matter of fact, that is everyone’s job, and the sooner we can believe that as a church, the sooner we can begin to examine our own lives, and stop nit-picking the lives of others – either audibly by nagging them, or in our thoughts. Think about a common church service for example. Maybe the pastor is preaching about finding God’s will for your life. Maybe your husband is sitting next to you, and you just know this sermon is exactly what he needs. You speak to him after the service and discover that he thought the message was, “ok.” What? That was a life-changing message! So why isn’t he bubbling over and brainstorming areas in his life that need changing right away? Sometimes – I would venture to say all of the time – what people really need in their lives is an example of godly living. My advice is to apply every Word from God to your own life, whether you are sitting in church or having a quiet Bible study by yourself. So much time is wasted by thinking, “So-and-so really needs to hear this. I wish she were here,” or “I hope he’s paying good attention. This message is for him.” When in reality, God has you sitting under that message on that day for a reason, and I guarantee that that reason is not so you can sit there and think about who else needs to hear it. Am I making sense? Let me bring it down to one sentence:

It is not the words you speak that will change the world, but the example that you set.

Challenge: apply everything you read today to your own life.

Post from the Past: The Worst Advice

When I find myself thrown into a conversation with someone who is really struggling, my first goal is to say nothing that can harm them. The worst advice I could give them would be to encourage them to act in a way that will only make their situation worse. Oftentimes, though, this is the advice they expect to hear. It is the advice that our culture would naturally give. For instance, if your best friend is struggling in her marriage, she may expect you to “support” her by advising her to “put him in his place.” She may want you to validate the choices that she has been making because her husband deserves to be treated like a child. He is, after all, making her miserable and turning her into a sour person. When, really, the correct advice would be the opposite. Your best friend can’t expect to be able to change her husband. The only person she can change is herself. The more she tries to force her husband to change, the worse her situation will become.

God doesn’t put people into situations in which there are no right choices. There is always a right choice, even if that choice goes against our worldly reasoning. He doesn’t put wives into situations in which they cannot serve Him fully because their husbands won’t behave properly. Another person cannot come between her and God’s will for her life. Only she can do that. Instead of waiting for her husband to come ‘round, or instead of constantly nagging her husband and telling him what horrible decisions he makes or how badly he treats her, she should focus her energy on making each right choice in her life as she comes to it. What is the godly thing to do in this moment? She should do it. Five minutes later…what is the godly choice now? She should choose it. Advise her to treat her husband with the respect that his office demands, serving God and others in the meantime.

If she truly submits to the will of her husband, and can treat him respectfully in love and without sarcasm, he will probably come ‘round eventually. If not, well, people have suffered worse for the cause of Christ. This life is merely temporary anyway, and every situation will come to an end eventually. I heard a pastor quote yesterday, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” It’s been tried, and it doesn’t work. Wives cannot force their husbands to change. They can merely do what is good and right on a consistent basis, and hope that their husbands “may without the word be won by the conversation [lifestyle] of the wives.” 1 Peter 3:1

Post from the Past: Submission – What Does It Really Mean?

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Ephesians 5:22-24

What should you do when you feel that your husband isn’t treating you right? Maybe you can sense a reoccurring streak of selfishness, or maybe it’s as bad as a complete disregard for how you feel. Worse than that, perhaps you can see that he is making poor choices or ignoring the mandates set forth in God’s Word. How can you make him understand? The short answer: you can’t. You can try to reason with him; respectfully tell him exactly how you feel. Sometimes your honesty will be enough to make him take a second look at things. But in the long run, you can’t force him to believe differently about something or to behave in a certain way.

How then, should you react? Here’s my advice, although many may not agree. The Bible commands wives to submit to their husbands. I know, I know; it also commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. That means that your husband should listen to your opinions and give them a lot of weight in his decision-making, right? Well, the truth is, however your husband decides to interpret that verse, it shouldn’t have any impact on the way you interpret the preceding ones. You see, those verses aren’t set up like “if…then” statements. If the husband loves his wife, then the wife submits to her husband. What if your husband isn’t a Christian at all, and gives no thought to the Bible whatsoever? Does that automatically make you the decision-maker of the household? Because your decisions are the right ones? No. Every wife believes her opinions to be the right ones – all the time. The Bible doesn’t say, “Therefore, whosoever is wrong shall submit to whosoever is right.” God has ordained your husband to make family decisions.

The only time you can disobey your husband is if he asks you to sin against God. You cannot force him to act the way you believe God wants him to. I have found that approaching God’s command this way frees me from worry about the effects of my husband’s decisions. I obey God by obeying my husband; everything that happens in my life as a result is God’s responsibility. You see, God will never punish you for obeying him. In fact, the only way you can find His perfect will is to obey Him to the letter – even if you feel that God’s will is being hindered by others in your life. Believe me; He does have the power to perfectly order your life in spite of other humans.

Your only job is to act the way you believe God wants you to act. As a matter of fact, that is everyone’s job, and the sooner we can believe that as a church, the sooner we can begin to examine our own lives, and stop nit-picking the lives of others – either audibly by nagging them, or in our thoughts. Think about a common church service for example. Maybe the pastor is preaching about finding God’s will for your life. Maybe your husband is sitting next to you, and you just know this sermon is exactly what he needs. You speak to him after the service and discover that he thought the message was, “ok.” What? That was a life-changing message! So why isn’t he bubbling over and brainstorming areas in his life that need changing right away? Sometimes – I would venture to say all of the time – what people really need in their lives is an example of godly living. My advice is to apply every Word from God to your own life, whether you are sitting in church or having a quiet Bible study by yourself. So much time is wasted by thinking, “So-and-so really needs to hear this. I wish she were here,” or “I hope he’s paying good attention. This message is for him.” When in reality, God has you sitting under that message on that day for a reason, and I guarantee that that reason is not so you can sit there and think about who else needs to hear it. Am I making sense? Let me bring it down to one sentence:

It is not the words you speak that will change the world, but the example that you set.

Challenge: apply everything you read today to your own life.

The Worst Advice

When I find myself thrown into a conversation with someone who is really struggling, my first goal is to say nothing that can harm them. The worst advice I could give them would be to encourage them to act in a way that will only make their situation worse. Oftentimes, though, this is the advice they expect to hear. It is the advice that our culture would naturally give. For instance, if your best friend is struggling in her marriage, she may expect you to “support” her by advising her to “put him in his place.” She may want you to validate the choices that she has been making because her husband deserves to be treated like a child. He is, after all, making her miserable and turning her into a sour person. When, really, the correct advice would be the opposite. Your best friend can’t expect to be able to change her husband. The only person she can change is herself. The more she tries to force her husband to change, the worse her situation will become.

God doesn’t put people into situations in which there are no right choices. There is always a right choice, even if that choice goes against our worldly reasoning. He doesn’t put wives into situations in which they cannot serve Him fully because their husbands won’t behave properly. Another person cannot come between her and God’s will for her life. Only she can do that. Instead of waiting for her husband to come ‘round, or instead of constantly nagging her husband and telling him what horrible decisions he makes or how badly he treats her, she should focus her energy on making each right choice in her life as she comes to it. What is the godly thing to do in this moment? She should do it. Five minutes later…what is the godly choice now? She should choose it. Advise her to treat her husband with the respect that his office demands, serving God and others in the meantime.

If she truly submits to the will of her husband, and can treat him respectfully in love and without sarcasm, he will probably come ‘round eventually. If not, well, people have suffered worse for the cause of Christ. This life is merely temporary anyway, and every situation will come to an end eventually. I heard a pastor quote yesterday, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” It’s been tried, and it doesn’t work. Wives cannot force their husbands to change. They can merely do what is good and right on a consistent basis, and hope that their husbands “may without the word be won by the conversation [lifestyle] of the wives.” 1 Peter 3:1

Eve’s Mistake, My Mistake

Back in January, my pastor’s wife loaned me a book by Debi Pearl, titled Created to Be His Help Meet. I have been reading it on and off, and have enjoyed (almost) every word of it! I don’t read much for pleasure any more (too many other things to do!), so last night, I found myself about a third of the way through the book. It was about there that Mrs. Pearl began talking about the differences between Adam and Eve. As I was reading, I had a strange idea.

How many times have I blamed Eve for being so stupid and ruining everything? If it weren’t for her, I sometimes think, we would still be living on a perfect earth. She should have known better! God told Adam point-blank that death was the penalty for disobedience (Genesis 2:16-17). Why didn’t she believe Him?

But as I was reading the story again last night, in the context of thinking about obeying my husband perfectly, a new idea occurred to me. Every single time I rationalize concerning the Word of God, I make the same exact mistake that Eve made. Take, for instance, submission to my husband. Every time I think, “Well, God’s rule doesn’t apply in this situation,” I am allowing Satan to deceive me into questioning God.

The problem is thousands of years old: Eve didn’t respect God’s supreme authority, and it’s even possible that she didn’t trust God to follow through on His promise. She wanted what she wanted so badly, that she allowed Satan to deceive her into rationalizing. She willingly chose to be deceived.

God is God. This fact alone requires our obedience.

First of all, Eve should have been willing to obey God because He is God. Because He is the Creator. Because He makes the rules (or rule, in her case). He doesn’t have to explain Himself. We often don’t tell our children precisely why we ask them not to say certain words or act a certain way. Sometimes, the explanation wouldn’t be good for them, like when I asked my five-year-old not to go around holding hands with and hugging on other boys (he was making some of the older boys in choir uncomfortable). Sometimes, we need them to obey immediately, and we don’t have time to explain. And again, sometimes, we just want them to recognize our authority and to obey us just because our position demands it.  God required Eve’s obedience. He told Adam that the consequences of disobedience were death. I’ve long figured that Eve didn’t really believe that God would follow through on His promise. She certainly didn’t understand the gravity of her situation. She didn’t know about all the sorrow she would bring into the world. But should God have needed to tell her the exact consequences of disobedience before He asked her to obey? No.

Sometimes I think we forget that God created us for His own glory. He wants us to tell Him how wonderful He is. He wants us to tell Him what an awesome job He did when He created everything. And He wants us to obey Him to the letter. Because He is God. We don’t need another reason.

How do God’s rules benefit me?

However, we humans often don’t follow God implicitly unless we can see how it directly benefits us. Don’t ask me why – it shouldn’t make sense, but that’s the way we are. We are sinful. Even before Eve took her first bite, she decided that she would do what she perceived to be good for her, regardless of what her Creator, her Lord, demanded. She was led to believe that perhaps God didn’t have her best interest in mind.

Luckily for us, God never asks us to do anything that isn’t good for us. He is the epitome of goodness and intelligence. He doesn’t make rules for the mere sake of placing restrictions on us, but for our own benefit. If you read through the books of Exodus and Leviticus, you will find that God made a great many rules and placed a great many restrictions on His people, and He didn’t always explain why. My husband and I aren’t Jewish, but when our son was born, we had him circumcised on the eighth day, just as God had commanded the Israelites. Now, we weren’t convicted to do so (at the time, we thought that God’s Law was only for the Jewish nation), but we figured He must have had a legitimate reason for creating a rule about it to begin with. We found out a couple years later that blood clotting is at its peak on the eighth day of life. What I’m trying to illustrate is: we don’t have to understand why God has asked us to do (or not to do) something. We need to just trust that He knows best, and that all of His intentions are good ones. When I fail to obey Him, I fail to trust Him.

Application

The difficulties begin when we start applying His commandments to our own lives. If we were to trust God completely, our lives as we know them would be turned upside down. Even Christians fail to trust God when doing so gets between them and the things they really want to do. The more wrapped up we are in the lifestyles and perceptions of our day, the harder it is to let go of our own desires and understanding, and trust God with everything.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

Proverbs 3:5

Here are some potentially life-changing applications, should we decide to obey God to the letter:

Be Careful What You Watch on Television

Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,

Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,

Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:

Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

Romans 1:29-32

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Philippians 4:8

Submission to Authority

Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise;

Ephesians 6:2

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

Ephesians 5:22

Does God tell wives to submit to their husbands, except when the husbands are wrong? Does he tell wives to submit unless the husbands are unsaved? No! In fact, he tells wives that their unsaved husbands can come to salvation through observing their wives’ submission in the fear of God. The only time we should not obey authority is when we are commanded to do something contrary to the Word of God. Period.

Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.

Romans 13:1

For me, this verse even means paying taxes on every penny and obeying the speed limits. This may be common sense for a lot of people, but I also know many, many Christians who are more of the “civil disobedience” type.

Gossip

And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.

I Timothy 5:13

Caring for Others

Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.

James 1:27

He that hath pity on the poor lendeth unto the Lord; and that which he hath given will he pay him again.

Proverbs 19:17

Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do it.

Proverbs 3:27

Resisting Worldliness and Conformity

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Romans 12:2

Church Attendance

Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

Hebrews 10:25

What about Old Testament Laws?

 

(I am updating this section as of 1/10/2017 because my perception of God’s Law has changed drastically in the last couple of years. I have to smile now, when I see that I wrote the phrase “Old Testament Laws.” It has come to my attention that there is only one Law given by God. The New Testament refers to many of the individual laws, but it is not a new law. I am not updating this post in an effort to hide the fact that I have changed my mind, but merely because I do not want to spread false doctrine. For a better picture of what I believe now, please see The Law Is Not an Example of Planned Obsolescence.)

Even though our salvation is not based on obedience to the Law, I maintain that all of them were instituted for our own good, and following them certainly won’t hurt us. Besides, once you get to know the Lord, you will want to please Him as much as possible by obeying His commands. In the following verse, God practically dares us to trust Him with our finances.

Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.

Malachi 3:10

Tithing is good for the Kingdom. It supports those who have devoted their entire lives to reaching others for Christ. It is good for us, too. By tithing, we prove our trust in God, which, when God blesses us in return, helps to increase our faith.

Keeping the Sabbath is also good for us.

And he said unto them, The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath.

Mark 2:27

Have we never stopped to consider that it is good for us, emotionally, spiritually, and physically to actually rest from working once a week?

Rationalization Is Our Warning Signal

I would venture to say that anytime we find ourselves rationalizing, we should stop in our tracks and do the opposite of what it is that we are wanting to do. Rationalization is the signal to stop and ask ourselves if we are trusting God, and to try to figure out what our motivations really are. If we have to rationalize, we already know what we should be doing, but we don’t want to do it. We are trying to find a way around it without hurting our consciences. We set ourselves up as God, and think: In this situation, I can see what’s best for me. For some reason, God’s rules only apply to our situations when we want them to. Any other time, we can find ways around them. That’s not respect at all! How would you feel if your teenagers treated you that way? My friends used to tell me, “It’s easier to apologize than to ask permission.” But if you know ahead of time that you are going to be apologizing later, then you already know it’s wrong. It’s a sin to dishonor your parents, husband, or God by doing anything that you suspect will garner their disapproval.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Do you believe that? Do you believe it enough to trust God to the point of obeying Him in all situations? That your situation isn’t the exception to the rule? Or maybe you think that God didn’t see this coming. Maybe it appears that things can’t work out by doing it His way; that it will only work out if you do what you think is best. Since when is your wisdom greater than God’s? Will you be brave enough to present these arguments before God when He asks why you disobeyed? I know the answer.

I’m not trying to be mean, but I am trying to promote a “No-Excuses Christianity.” Let’s get real, folks.

Can you think of any more areas of life in which we can apply this concept? I’m sure there are many, many more, and I would love to hear your ideas.

Submission – what does it really mean?

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Ephesians 5:22-24

What should you do when you feel that your husband isn’t treating you right? Maybe you can sense a reoccurring streak of selfishness, or maybe it’s as bad as a complete disregard for how you feel. Worse than that, perhaps you can see that he is making poor choices or ignoring the mandates set forth in God’s Word. How can you make him understand? The short answer: you can’t. You can try to reason with him; respectfully tell him exactly how you feel. Sometimes your honesty will be enough to make him take a second look at things. But in the long run, you can’t force him to believe differently about something or to behave in a certain way.

How then, should you react? Here’s my advice, although many may not agree. The Bible commands wives to submit to their husbands. I know, I know; it also commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. That means that your husband should listen to your opinions and give them a lot of weight in his decision-making, right? Well, the truth is, however your husband decides to interpret that verse, it shouldn’t have any impact on the way you interpret the preceding ones. You see, those verses aren’t set up like “if…then” statements. If the husband loves his wife, then the wife submits to her husband. What if your husband isn’t a Christian at all, and gives no thought to the Bible whatsoever? Does that automatically make you the decision-maker of the household? Because your decisions are the right ones? No. Every wife believes her opinions to be the right ones – all the time. The Bible doesn’t say, “Therefore, whosoever is wrong shall submit to whosoever is right.” God has ordained your husband to make family decisions.

The only time you can disobey your husband is if he asks you to sin against God. You cannot force him to act the way you believe God wants him to. I have found that approaching God’s command this way frees me from worry about the effects of my husband’s decisions. I obey God by obeying my husband; everything that happens in my life as a result is God’s responsibility. You see, God will never punish you for obeying him. In fact, the only way you can find His perfect will is to obey Him to the letter – even if you feel that God’s will is being hindered by others in your life. Believe me; He does have the power to perfectly order your life in spite of other humans.

Your only job is to act the way you believe God wants you to act. As a matter of fact, that is everyone’s job, and the sooner we can believe that as a church, the sooner we can begin to examine our own lives, and stop nit-picking the lives of others – either audibly by nagging them, or in our thoughts. Think about a common church service for example. Maybe the pastor is preaching about finding God’s will for your life. Maybe your husband is sitting next to you, and you just know this sermon is exactly what he needs. You speak to him after the service and discover that he thought the message was, “ok.” What? That was a life-changing message! So why isn’t he bubbling over and brainstorming areas in his life that need changing right away? Sometimes – I would venture to say all of the time – what people really need in their lives is an example of godly living. My advice is to apply every Word from God to your own life, whether you are sitting in church or having a quiet Bible study by yourself. So much time is wasted by thinking, “So-and-so really needs to hear this. I wish she were here,” or “I hope he’s paying good attention. This message is for him.” When in reality, God has you sitting under that message on that day for a reason, and I guarantee that that reason is not so you can sit there and think about who else needs to hear it. Am I making sense? Let me bring it down to one sentence:

It is not the words you speak that will change the world, but the example that you set.

Challenge: apply everything you read today to your own life.