Category Archives: Role of Women

How does a godly marriage relate to Christ and His body of believers?

I intend to go more in-depth about some of the concepts listed in this book during the following year, but for an overview, here is the review I left on Amazon. Follow my blog and visit this page if you are interested in hearing what’s coming up: www.theedenconcept.com 

The book is available here (just released today!), if you’d like to read it and contribute to the conversation: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1983938343

The Eden Concept: Marriage God’s Way, by Dana and Kimberly Williams, is an honest look at God’s plan for every marriage. It wouldn’t matter if you had been born in the dawn of creation, the dark ages, the 50s, or this millennium, this book give ageless advice because it is based on something that never changes: scripture. Within its pages, you will not only find great advice about how to proceed with your own marriage (taking many different situations into account), but you will learn how the Biblical concept of a physical marriage is God’s object lesson to help us understand our relationship with Him (our spiritual marriage) — specifically, Christ’s relationship to the body of believers as a whole. If your marriage is struggling, you will find much needed help by reading this book. If you are looking to improve an already fantastic marriage, you will find deep truths and eye-opening concepts that will help you analyze the dynamics of your marriage so you can keep it going strong for a lifetime. Above all, if you desire a closer walk with the Lord, this book offers keen insight on how to put our love for Him into action. It is full of practical things you can try right now to make a difference in your life, and would also make a great Bible study tool for individuals, couples, or groups who are longing to make a deeper connection in their physical and spiritual relationships.

This book hits on some interesting topics: equality of the sexes, gender roles in marriage, the affects of sin, the importance of the foundation of scripture for all aspects of our lives, humility, jealousy, the command to love one another (which I am convinced must manifest itself in the way we treat one another, not in the way we feel toward one another), forgiveness, finances, gossip, honor, raising children in a godly home, hypocrisy, our witness to the lost, and more. As I read through the book, I took notes that I thought would make interesting bouncing-off points for blog posts later on, and so I have my own in-depth notes concerning each of the items in the list above. What I’m trying to say is that this book is very deep, very practical, very interesting. It is definitely worth a read and some deep consideration of the many truths found within.

Some of the other strong points in this book: it does NOT fall into the category that I like to label “fluffy” Christianity. In other words, this book is not in existence to help Christians feel better about themselves even if they are living a life of sin. It exists to exhort us to good works, and it accomplishes that very well. Another thing it has going for it: it doesn’t just give you a scripture reference and leave you to look it up for yourself. We know that very rarely happens in the real world. Instead, the book includes the full text of the scriptures as they appear in your Bibles. Another strong point is that the book often goes all the way back to the Old Testament, to the very root of our beginnings to build a foundation that points us toward godliness and understanding of the age-old concept of marriage. Anyone who knows me knows how highly I value that single fact alone. Our God’s righteousness doesn’t change according to differing people groups or with the passage of time. What was right for Adam and Eve, Abraham and Sarah, or the Israelites is still right for us today. Read this book; recommend it to your friends; you’ll be happy you did.

This book was provided to me free of charge in exchange for an honest review.

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Submission – what does it really mean?

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Ephesians 5:22-24

What should you do when you feel that your husband isn’t treating you right? Maybe you can sense a reoccurring streak of selfishness, or maybe it’s as bad as a complete disregard for how you feel. Worse than that, perhaps you can see that he is making poor choices or ignoring the mandates set forth in God’s Word. How can you make him understand? The short answer: you can’t. You can try to reason with him; respectfully tell him exactly how you feel. Sometimes your honesty will be enough to make him take a second look at things. But in the long run, you can’t force him to believe differently about something or to behave in a certain way.

How then, should you react? Here’s my advice, although many may not agree. The Bible commands wives to submit to their husbands. I know, I know; it also commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. That means that your husband should listen to your opinions and give them a lot of weight in his decision-making, right? Well, the truth is, however your husband decides to interpret that verse, it shouldn’t have any impact on the way you interpret the preceding ones. You see, those verses aren’t set up like “if…then” statements. If the husband loves his wife, then the wife submits to her husband. What if your husband isn’t a Christian at all, and gives no thought to the Bible whatsoever? Does that automatically make you the decision-maker of the household? Because your decisions are the right ones? No. Every wife believes her opinions to be the right ones – all the time. The Bible doesn’t say, “Therefore, whosoever is wrong shall submit to whosoever is right.” God has ordained your husband to make family decisions.

The only time you can disobey your husband is if he asks you to sin against God. You cannot force him to act the way you believe God wants him to. I have found that approaching God’s command this way frees me from worry about the effects of my husband’s decisions. I obey God by obeying my husband; everything that happens in my life as a result is God’s responsibility. You see, God will never punish you for obeying him. In fact, the only way you can find His perfect will is to obey Him to the letter – even if you feel that God’s will is being hindered by others in your life. Believe me; He does have the power to perfectly order your life in spite of other humans.

Your only job is to act the way you believe God wants you to act. As a matter of fact, that is everyone’s job, and the sooner we can believe that as a church, the sooner we can begin to examine our own lives, and stop nit-picking the lives of others – either audibly by nagging them, or in our thoughts. Think about a common church service for example. Maybe the pastor is preaching about finding God’s will for your life. Maybe your husband is sitting next to you, and you just know this sermon is exactly what he needs. You speak to him after the service and discover that he thought the message was, “ok.” What? That was a life-changing message! So why isn’t he bubbling over and brainstorming areas in his life that need changing right away? Sometimes – I would venture to say all of the time – what people really need in their lives is an example of godly living. My advice is to apply every Word from God to your own life, whether you are sitting in church or having a quiet Bible study by yourself. So much time is wasted by thinking, “So-and-so really needs to hear this. I wish she were here,” or “I hope he’s paying good attention. This message is for him.” When in reality, God has you sitting under that message on that day for a reason, and I guarantee that that reason is not so you can sit there and think about who else needs to hear it. Am I making sense? Let me bring it down to one sentence:

It is not the words you speak that will change the world, but the example that you set.

Challenge: apply everything you read today to your own life.

What happened to happy homes?

Men and women need each other. They complement each other. One has what the other lacks. That is the way it was in the beginning. Women respected men for their protection and hard labor, for bringing the food home. Men still fill these roles, for the most part. Men respected women for making the home a haven for him and her, and their children. The woman made the man’s job worth doing, and his life worth living. I think we lost our equality when we stepped outside of what we do best, and began to desire to fill the roles that men do best. Men stopped appreciating women because they were competing with them, and because their home lives became a wreck. Now there was no one to make life worth living anymore. Men can’t do it themselves because they aren’t very good at nurturing. Men resent women for jumping off the home-maker’s wagon because now the job isn’t getting done at all – at least not as well as it once was. Superwomen types try to do it all, but we shouldn’t ask so much of ourselves. It leads to burnout and resentment because women who stay that busy begin to believe that the men aren’t doing enough. Single people don’t struggle with these issues, because there’s nobody to resent. And I realize that there are probably many working couples out there who have their lives and schedules worked out well enough to live in harmony with each other. (But I don’t happen to personally know any of them.) But I do believe that, in general, families were happier and healthier 100 years ago, before society told us that everyone had to work so much. I know my opinion won’t be popular, but that’s just how I see things.

Time, Space, Stuff, and Happiness

The average person on this earth probably takes up about 2 or 3 square feet of floor space at any given moment. It doesn’t matter whether you are rich or poor, busy or relaxed, you can only take up so much space.

The average person can concentrate on _ things at any given moment. It doesn’t matter how many toys or gadgets you have, you can only do so many things at once.

The two-income family usually thinks of a way to split the chores at home. They each spend x amount of hours at work, and x amount performing chores. At the end of the day, they have _ hours to entertain themselves.

Because one adult and the children can complete the household chores while the other adult is at work, the one-income family has much more time to enjoy their surroundings, even though they may not be able to afford as much space or as many distractions.

What do you think? Care to elaborate on my vague ideas about time, space, stuff, and happiness?

Post from the Past: Gossip and Murder

Should God have given Adam and Eve more information? He said, “Don’t do this…” Some may come to the conclusion that He was setting them up for The Fall. He gave them one thing they couldn’t do, and perhaps did not explain that the whole world was at stake. He told them they would die, but did they understand death, even know what it was?

My thought is this: the intensity of their sin had nothing to do with whether they had complete information or not; it had nothing to do with their intentions. Their sin was rooted in the fact that they disobeyed their Creator, the Maker of the Rules. He doesn’t have to tell us what our consequences will be. He says things like, “Obey your parents,” or “Submit to your husband.” Just because we imagine that the consequences of our own solution will be more bearable than the pain of obedience, we choose to do things  our way. But, like Eve, we have no idea how far-reaching those consequences are going to be. A woman doesn’t respect her husband. How many people does she affect? How many generations do her daughters and granddaughters carry on her tradition? How many sons allow their wives to take the lead? How many lives ruined? Where does the madness end?

How about obeying God because He says so? Because He knew what was good for us when He inspired His Word? We can fairly see the consequences for murder, so we don’t do it. Just because we can’t clearly see the consequences for other forms of disobedience, should we go ahead and chance it? If the definition of sin is disobedience to God, then gossip is no different than murder. (As a matter of fact, the sin of gossip has often resulted in similar consequences: loss of life due to suicide.)

Post from the Past: Sanctuary

The purpose of this post is to collect ideas for making things special at home every evening. How do you make each day different? How do you make your home a sanctuary for your husband? I’ve thought of a couple of little things myself, but please add to the list if you can!

  1. Be dressed in a feminine manner when he walks through the door.
  2. Smell nice.
  3. Fix your hair.
  4. Make a menu for fun, highlighting the evening’s meal. (Jesse loves this!)
  5. Straighten the house.
  6. Make small changes to your home to keep things fresh, such as:
  7. Light a candle.
  8. Play soft music.
  9. Rearrange a couple of things to make the house look slightly different (and for some strange reason, this also adds to the perception of a clean house).

Any more ideas would be greatly appreciated!

Post from the Past: The Worst Advice

When I find myself thrown into a conversation with someone who is really struggling, my first goal is to say nothing that can harm them. The worst advice I could give them would be to encourage them to act in a way that will only make their situation worse. Oftentimes, though, this is the advice they expect to hear. It is the advice that our culture would naturally give. For instance, if your best friend is struggling in her marriage, she may expect you to “support” her by advising her to “put him in his place.” She may want you to validate the choices that she has been making because her husband deserves to be treated like a child. He is, after all, making her miserable and turning her into a sour person. When, really, the correct advice would be the opposite. Your best friend can’t expect to be able to change her husband. The only person she can change is herself. The more she tries to force her husband to change, the worse her situation will become.

God doesn’t put people into situations in which there are no right choices. There is always a right choice, even if that choice goes against our worldly reasoning. He doesn’t put wives into situations in which they cannot serve Him fully because their husbands won’t behave properly. Another person cannot come between her and God’s will for her life. Only she can do that. Instead of waiting for her husband to come ‘round, or instead of constantly nagging her husband and telling him what horrible decisions he makes or how badly he treats her, she should focus her energy on making each right choice in her life as she comes to it. What is the godly thing to do in this moment? She should do it. Five minutes later…what is the godly choice now? She should choose it. Advise her to treat her husband with the respect that his office demands, serving God and others in the meantime.

If she truly submits to the will of her husband, and can treat him respectfully in love and without sarcasm, he will probably come ‘round eventually. If not, well, people have suffered worse for the cause of Christ. This life is merely temporary anyway, and every situation will come to an end eventually. I heard a pastor quote yesterday, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” It’s been tried, and it doesn’t work. Wives cannot force their husbands to change. They can merely do what is good and right on a consistent basis, and hope that their husbands “may without the word be won by the conversation [lifestyle] of the wives.” 1 Peter 3:1