It’s weird. So I got a job and started working. My life was already so packed that I wasn’t sure how I was going to fit it all in. Driving to radiation in the mornings, five days a week, an hour from where I live. Homeschooling my 10-year-old son. Teaching the local homeschool choir and showing up to Tuesday homeschool activities. Performing in a band that rehearses once a week. Playing the piano at my church three days a week. Then, of course, there were the people. The ones who make everything worth it. Teenagers and family and church people that my husband and I simply love hanging out with. How was I ever going to fit a job into all of that? But I really needed one, so I filled out an application at Applebee’s, had someone pull a few strings, and here I am. Bored to tears.
I find myself constantly looking for something productive to do. Mainly during the last hour or two of the day or while my son is working on homework. I wander over to the computer and look up ways to be productive, or ways to earn money from home, or anything that gets me out of the FaceBook world and into the real one.
I guess perhaps it’s because I am so busy that I don’t want to waste any downtime I have doing absolutely nothing. Netflix? Xbox? FaceBook? These are the things I would normally spend my time doing, but not lately. I have absolutely no desire whatsoever. So, I figured, perhaps I should do some of the things I’ve always wanted to do, but never had time for. Extra time? Ha! It had always seemed like a fictional concept to me.
So what is it that I really want to be doing? Well, it’s more a question of what I want to have already done in my life. Second language. Fitness and nutrition expert. Author. I’m not sure I have the discipline to pull off the first two, so here I am shooting for the third. Now, I have written a lot in the past. I have even had a few articles published in a magazine. But to sit down with the anticipation of completing something that is more than a couple thousand words long? I’m not sure where to start. So, I think I’m just going to sit down and ramble for a while and see what pops up.
It occurs to me that there are thousands of devotionals on the market. Probably even thousands that are aimed at women. Since I am a woman myself, should I choose to write a devotional, my primary audience will probably be women. Now, I am tempted to narrow the audience to women who are experiencing a terminal illness. But that may very well be so narrow as to not pick up any sincere readers. Who in their right mind would want to spend their last year reading someone else’s thoughts about the last years of a person’s life?
So for me, perhaps this is just part of my own personal journey. Perhaps no one will ever read what I am writing right now. But then again, perhaps they will…
Problem number two with writing a devotional: most of what I have written is not there to make anyone feel good about themselves. It’s mainly to draw attention to the fact that we need to stop making excuses and just go for it. Go for what, you may ask? Our Christian duties. Loving people. Serving God. Abolishing sin from our lives. So this exercise is not aimed at making women, or anyone for that matter, feel good about themselves. Therefore, I am not likely to ever be published anyway, even if I finish what I start. Which maybe I will, for once.
So what do I usually write about? That would be a good jumping off place, in my opinion. A good place to start a full-length devotional, if you will. The articles that I have written for my own blog are the ones that stand out to me the most. They are the ones that truly came from the heart. The ones I was motivated to write out of a desire to get my perspective out to the masses. I have written about:
Why we should not allow our weaknesses to prevent us from serving God in the capacity in which we are called. (See “Not Real Good with Words”)
Why my own little world would still not be perfect had Eve never eaten of the forbidden fruit. (See “Eve’s Mistake, My Mistake”)
Why homeschoolers have such a bad rap with non-homeschoolers (See “Why Do People Hate Homeschoolers?”)
The difference between intentional sin and non-intentional sin (See “The Difference between Peter and Judas”)
The first two are my favorites, which ideas I have shared again and again, both personally and on my blog. I know the second two are things that people struggle with because they are the most searched for and most read blog posts that I have to date. Even though I haven’t posted anything new since I was diagnosed with cancer back in January of 2013, people are still finding and reading my articles in an attempt to answer the questions in their own lives.
That’s another thing I should address. Why haven’t I posted to my blog since my diagnosis? Not because I don’t care. Not because I don’t still have a million ideas. And no, not because of a lack of time, although that’s the reason I gave myself for a long while. In retrospect, I think the reason is because I didn’t want the blog to be all about me. I didn’t want a hundred people feeling sorry for me and worrying about the fact that I have (or had?) breast cancer. I wanted to maintain the focal points of God, homeschooling, and creative writing. Odd mix, I know, but those are the things that interest me, and the things I think I may be able to help others understand more completely.
So why am I talking about it now? Well, I believe that the new perspective that I have gained from having a potentially fatal disease will help me help others. And that’s what I want to be about. Not making money or marking things off my bucket list, but a true, innate desire to lift up our Savior so that others can see Him.