Post from the Past: Good Conversation

Yesterday, I talked a little about making strangers feel comfortable. Sometimes, just talking a little can really help someone open up and feel at ease. If you are in a large group of people (at church especially), search out the person who looks the least comfortable or the most lonely, and strike up a good conversation with them.

What is a good conversation? Well, first of all, you want to pick a topic that the other person will be interested in. If crowds make you nervous too, say so! (I wouldn’t mention the fact that they look nervous, and that’s why you came to chat.) If you can find anything else in common with this person, talk about it. Think of your surroundings. Maybe you are at church or a seminar. What brought you there? What brought the other person there? If you don’t already know, ask. You probably already have something in common, as attested to by the mere fact that you are sharing the same space on the same day. If you just can’t think of anything, compliment jewelry or children – anything to get started. Talking about the weather is even acceptable, as long as you don’t leave it at that!

Try not to come across as superior. Maintain a humble attitude. Talk about your weaknesses (if you can do so without whining or complaining). Whatever you do, don’t one-up them! There are two ways to do that, by the way. You can either make your life look extremely better than theirs, or extremely worse. If you are truly concerned about the comfort level of the other person, you will steer clear of both extremes.

It’s difficult not to talk about our own children, cars, etc, especially if we are proud of them (or frustrated with them). But only mention your situation if it can help establish empathy for the other person. For instance, when people mention that their children aren’t doing well in school because they have a short attention span, I’ll say that my kid has a short attention span too. Sometimes I’ll add an illustration. I haven’t one-upped them; I’ve just established that I understand where they’re coming from. The last thing I would do is tell them that that’s one of the many reasons I homeschool, and then proceed to explain how well my kid is doing with his schoolwork. (I might, however, ask them if they have considered homeschooling. If they show an interest, I would of course answer any questions they might have. If they don’t show an interest, I wouldn’t push the benefits of homeschooling. Some people just aren’t in a position to homeschool, and others haven’t opened their minds to the idea. Just be friendly and humble.)

If you can be funny, go for it! Laughter is a great ice breaker. But more than finding the right responses, it’s important to just listen, as long as they feel like talking. If you can see that talking makes them even more uncomfortable, leave them alone, and find  someone else to chat with.

Post from the Past: Ego Booster

Teaching the homeschool choir has been challenging for me, especially learning how to handle the high school girls. One day, attitudes were running wild – one group of girls acting superior to the rest, and another group whispering and glancing snidely toward the first group. I finally had to stop the class and give a little lecture before I felt we could go any further.

During the odd years that I attended Christian school, I must have had the idea that everybody loved me because I was so quick to show off how much I knew. Think about it – that’s the way parents act when they brag about their kids to others or when they look at homework to see how good it is. In high school, I hadn’t realized yet that the rest of the world couldn’t care less. Looking back on it, I actually think everyone despised me. It took me a really long time to start thinking about the world in terms of others instead of myself.

So, I decided to be painfully honest with my choir girls. I told them how I cringe when I think about those days. I told them how I don’t want anything in my life that reminds me of that era. My husband picked out a nice pair of shoes at a shoe store the other day, and I liked them, but I didn’t buy them. Can you guess why? They were in the same style that I would have worn 17 years ago, and I didn’t want to remind myself of my teenage years every time I put them on. I am ashamed of myself for having flaunted my knowledge.

So after I embarrassed myself in front of my class, explaining why they would hate me today if I were their age now, we had a little talk about always striving to make others feel good and comfortable. It isn’t about who’s the smartest, most well-raised homeschooler in the building. If you have been homeschooled, you probably have the self-esteem to handle boosting someone else’s ego (sometimes at the expense of your own). Go out of your way to make the other person feel valued, like his opinion counts for something, instead of always assuming that everyone is interested in what you have to say or how much you know. Homeschoolers get used to needing to prove that they are better than public-schoolers, and we take this attitude into life with us. Not only is this attitude going to make friend-finding difficult for you, it could totally impede your ability to be a successful witness.

Here’s a tip if you are heading off to college: on the first day of class, get to each class early and find a seat. Make eye contact with people as they come through the door and smile. Look for people who look scared, and make an effort to make them feel more comfortable. I once moved my bag closer to myself (freeing up more space at my table in the process) after seeing a woman come through the classroom door, looking for an unintimidating place to sit. She took the gesture as intended, and sat with me for the entire semester. We are still friends on Facebook to this day, even though I haven’t seen her since that semester seven years ago.

In general, nobody else will care about you except for you, at least until you form a relationship with someone. Be one of the few people on this earth to place the comfort of a stranger above that of yourself, and you will find yourself surrounded by friends.

My First Thanksgiving

I was nine months old. My parents had been brought up in church, but had not attended since they were teens. They both knew that they wanted to raise their new little girl (me) in church. So they prayed. They were too shy to go from church to church looking for just the right one, even though they still lived in the same town in which they grew up. Maybe because of that reason, who knows? So they prayed. They prayed for God to send someone to them. I know that’s not a very active way to seek an answer to prayer, but it’s all they were willing to do at that time in their lives.

Then, Thanksgiving Day, 1979 rolled around. They were sitting at the dinner table chowing down on turkey when someone knocked on the door. It was two women. Two church women, Sharon and Annie. They invited Mom and Dad to church, and my parents went.

I was raised in that church, saved in that church, and baptized in that church (well, really it was Indian Creek, but I was with my church family). I called my mom tonight to get the details. She said that all four of her kids grew up gnawing on the backs of those wooden benches.

I love God with all of my heart, and I am working to pass that on to as many people as possible. Where would I be today if Sharon and Annie had not responded to the prompting of the Holy Spirit 32 years ago? They had the guts to knock on someone’s door on a holiday, no less! Did they knock on a lot of doors that night, or only one? I can’t help but wonder. Anyway, I thank God for them, and for the domino effect they caused in my life!

I said all that to say this: your associates, acquaintances, friends, etc. might be praying right now for God to send someone to them. Deep down inside, I think that every person desires a relationship with Him, and some are just on the verge of accepting Him. We don’t know which ones. Please do everything you can to reach out to them. Be brave! You never know how a word from you may affect generations to come! Eternity is at stake.

Are You Busy Enough?

I was singing through the first verse of “The King Is Coming” by Bill Gaither, when it dawned on me that every statement in that verse could be construed as an analogy – as an exhortation to get busy for God:

The marketplace is empty (consumerism has no value)

No more traffic in the streets (we are going nowhere fast)

All the builder’s tools are silent (monuments and personal achievements are worthless)

No more time to harvest wheat (time for preaching salvation will soon be past)

Busy housewives cease their labor (our lives pass us by when we get carried along by the mundane)

In the courtroom no debate (life is too short to spend it making trouble)

Work on earth has been suspended as the King comes through the gate! (It really will happen one of these days! We won’t always speak of this event in future tense!)

Something Very Different

While dejunking the other day, I decided to look through some old notebooks of mine, and throw away as much as I could part with. Unexpectedly, I came across this old poem that I wrote back in eleventh grade. I don’t think I could write poetry today, because I’m too much of a perfectionist. I would worry a great deal about syllables, meter, accented and unaccented words, etc, all while trying not to sound contrived. There are probably some proper terms for those things, but since I am not a student of poetry, I don’t know them. Anyway, it’s not the greatest poem, but the message is clear and strong, and Jesse wanted me to publish it, so here it is:

Something Very Different

His life has seemed so joyful,

I’ve not understood.

While some have life so roughly,

Others have it good.

 

There seems a hedge around him –

Gentle, loving eyes.

Watching him from day to day;

Staying ’til he dies.

 

Of course he’s had his bad days.

Everybody does.

He said since he’s been born again,

It’s not like it was.

 

Many a day I’ve watched him

Laughing at mistakes.

Is there nothing that can hurt him?

No one that he hates?

 

There’s something very different

In the way he speaks,

But discord, trouble, chaos:

These he never seeks.

 

He’s always kind to classmates

Even when they’re cruel.

But they can never hurt him;

He’s nobody’s fool.

 

I like to be around him.

He will always talk.

If you have any problems,

He knows the way to walk.

 

He seems to have no troubles.

He’s happy every day.

How he always keeps it up,

I can never say.

 

He says that he’s a Christian.

I would like to know

What a Christian really is.

What makes their love grow?

 

Tomorrow I will ask him.

I’ll be happy too.

I’ll find out his mystery.

Then I will tell you.

Our Last Great Hope

Last week, I finished a wonderful book by Ronnie Floyd, titled Our Last Great Hope. It was a thought-provoking read, albeit a somewhat painful one. Although written in a friendly manner, it was painful because Mr. Floyd is straightforward and doesn’t coddle the Christian who is just “not ready” to witness to the lost and dying world that surrounds us. In the book, he exhorts, encourages, and inspires us to do just that – since that is the true heart of God, and our duty as followers of His Word.

This book really spoke to me. It seems that I always have some excuse why I cannot move from “living out loud” to becoming a witness that actively pursues salvation-related conversation. When I was younger, I thought: when people start taking me seriously, I will. Then I wanted to get my theology just right. (Which, when I finally got serious about it, took me just a few moments to look up key verses and organize my thoughts on paper.) Now, I find that being home most of the time is just another excuse. This book challenged me to see the world through Jesus’ eyes. The cashier, the mailman, the guys with the street department just outside my window. He also makes clear that we should be simultaneously focused on our own neighborhoods, and the on uttermost parts of the earth.

If you want to find out more, check out the product page for this book. Or you can preview it here.

Note: In exchange for an honest review, the publisher provided a complimentary copy of this book through BookSneeze®.

Open House Dinner Party

One of our favorite things to do is throw a dinner party for our friends. Jesse and I have an open house every Sunday afternoon. Note to my friends: If this is the first you’ve heard about it, you are very welcome to show up! I just haven’t remembered to personally invite everyone yet.

My (not-so) hidden agenda: My hope is to bring my church friends together with those who are looking for a church home, to allow them to build relationships before entering a church building. I know how scary it is to feel “all alone” while hunting for a church. Of course, all of our friends are welcome, even if they already attend a different church!

House Prep: I generally clean the house pretty good on Friday or Saturday, and straighten up on Sunday mornings before church. I save the bathrooms for Sunday mornings as well, because they don’t stay clean very long. Once I’m done with that, I go through the house and look for little nagging things. If they aren’t big projects, I try to take care of them right away. Otherwise, they get put on my list of things to do for the next week. It’s been really nice since I started doing this, because my house usually gets completely clean at least once a week. That keeps me from getting sneaky little overlooked spots that build up and become difficult!

Food Prep: Nearly everyone brings a side, but I try to fix the main course. Since we are on a tight budget, it’s usually spaghetti or a big pot of beans. Once in a while, I will have salad fixins and some freshly pressed tortillas. (They’re so inexpensive to make!) For a few weeks there, I was making fresh salsa and chips every Sunday. The chips are so easy – I will post a how-to later on. I make anything up ahead of time that I possibly can – pasta is quick and simple to cook after getting home, but slow cooker recipes free you up for visiting with your guests. (I also like to have a backup plan for extra food, in case the turnout is greater that we expected.)

Heart Prep: It’s good to remind yourself not to hurt your guests spiritually. Try not to be a worldly influence in their lives. Keep the TV turned off, stick with Christian or instrumental music in the background, and engage in activities that will encourage clean conversation. Jesse and I usually like to play board games on Sundays, but if there is enough conversation, you don’t really need any other form of entertainment. Say a prayer, and ask for help keeping your thoughts pure and your conversation godly.

Happy hosting!

By the way, if you don’t have a subscription to Homeschool Enrichment Magazine, here is a direct link to their free digital subscription page: http://homeschoolenrichment.com/magazine/digital/

My latest article is on the Sep./Oct. cover: Asking Questions, Analyzing Answers. Hope you like it! (I also write the “Once Upon a
Homeschool” piece in every issue.)

 

Good Conversation

Yesterday, I talked a little about making strangers feel comfortable. Sometimes, just talking a little can really help someone open up and feel at ease. If you are in a large group of people (at church especially), search out the person who looks the least comfortable or the most lonely, and strike up a good conversation with them.

What is a good conversation? Well, first of all, you want to pick a topic that the other person will be interested in. If crowds make you nervous too, say so! (I wouldn’t mention the fact that they look nervous, and that’s why you came to chat.) If you can find anything else in common with this person, talk about it. Think of your surroundings. Maybe you are at church or a seminar. What brought you there? What brought the other person there? If you don’t already know, ask. You probably already have something in common, as attested to by the mere fact that you are sharing the same space on the same day. If you just can’t think of anything, compliment jewelry or children – anything to get started. Talking about the weather is even acceptable, as long as you don’t leave it at that!

Try not to come across as superior. Maintain a humble attitude. Talk about your weaknesses (if you can do so without whining or complaining). Whatever you do, don’t one-up them! There are two ways to do that, by the way. You can either make your life look extremely better than theirs, or extremely worse. If you are truly concerned about the comfort level of the other person, you will steer clear of both extremes.

It’s difficult not to talk about our own children, cars, etc, especially if we are proud of them (or frustrated with them). But only mention your situation if it can help establish empathy for the other person. For instance, when people mention that their children aren’t doing well in school because they have a short attention span, I’ll say that my kid has a short attention span too. Sometimes I’ll add an illustration. I haven’t one-upped them; I’ve just established that I understand where they’re coming from. The last thing I would do is tell them that that’s one of the many reasons I homeschool, and then proceed to explain how well my kid is doing with his schoolwork. (I might, however, ask them if they have considered homeschooling. If they show an interest, I would of course answer any questions they might have. If they don’t show an interest, I wouldn’t push the benefits of homeschooling. Some people just aren’t in a position to homeschool, and others haven’t opened their minds to the idea. Just be friendly and humble.)

If you can be funny, go for it! Laughter is a great ice breaker. But more than finding the right responses, it’s important to just listen, as long as they feel like talking. If you can see that talking makes them even more uncomfortable, leave them alone, and find  someone else to chat with.

Ego Booster

Teaching the homeschool choir has been challenging for me, especially learning how to handle the high school girls. One day, attitudes were running wild – one group of girls acting superior to the rest, and another group whispering and glancing snidely toward the first group. I finally had to stop the class and give a little lecture before I felt we could go any further.

During the odd years that I attended Christian school, I must have had the idea that everybody loved me because I was so quick to show off how much I knew. Think about it – that’s the way parents act when they brag about their kids to others or when they look at homework to see how good it is. In high school, I hadn’t realized yet that the rest of the world couldn’t care less. Looking back on it, I actually think everyone despised me. It took me a really long time to start thinking about the world in terms of others instead of myself.

So, I decided to be painfully honest with my choir girls. I told them how I cringe when I think about those days. I told them how I don’t want anything in my life that reminds me of that era. My husband picked out a nice pair of shoes at a shoe store the other day, and I liked them, but I didn’t buy them. Can you guess why? They were in the same style that I would have worn 17 years ago, and I didn’t want to remind myself of my teenage years every time I put them on. I am ashamed of myself for having flaunted my knowledge.

So after I embarrassed myself in front of my class, explaining why they would hate me today if I were their age now, we had a little talk about always striving to make others feel good and comfortable. It isn’t about who’s the smartest, most well-raised homeschooler in the building. If you have been homeschooled, you probably have the self-esteem to handle boosting someone else’s ego (sometimes at the expense of your own). Go out of your way to make the other person feel valued, like his opinion counts for something, instead of always assuming that everyone is interested in what you have to say or how much you know. Homeschoolers get used to needing to prove that they are better than public-schoolers, and we take this attitude into life with us. Not only is this attitude going to make friend-finding difficult for you, it could totally impede your ability to be a successful witness.

Here’s a tip if you are heading off to college: on the first day of class, get to each class early and find a seat. Make eye contact with people as they come through the door and smile. Look for people who look scared, and make an effort to make them feel more comfortable. I once moved my bag closer to myself (freeing up more space at my table in the process) after seeing a woman come through the classroom door, looking for an unintimidating place to sit. She took the gesture as intended, and sat with me for the entire semester. We are still friends on Facebook to this day, even though I haven’t seen her since that semester seven years ago.

In general, nobody else will care about you except for you, at least until you form a relationship with someone. Be one of the few people on this earth to place the comfort of a stranger above that of yourself, and you will find yourself surrounded by friends.

The coolest thing I’ve ever done!

I can still remember where I was standing when I led my cousin to the Lord. I was on the phone with him in my sister’s bedroom. Then a couple of months ago, during the drive home from an evening church service, my son also accepted Christ as his Savior. But for years between those two phenomenal events, I haven’t been involved in the making of new Christians. My role in the Kingdom has been more supportive of existing Christians than anything else.

Until this past weekend.

Brother Miles Wallis came up from Talking Rock Road Baptist Church, bringing his sheaves (of paper) with him. He brought enough supplies to assemble 13,000 booklets containing John and Romans. My church was not new to this type of project, but this is the first time they’ve assembled Bibles since our family has been attending (January). Covers were folded, books were assembled, stapled, trimmed, and boxed. The booklets were printed in French, and are destined to reach thousands of souls in Kenya. It took 30-40 people (my estimation) 9 hours over a Friday evening and Saturday morning to completely finish (including loading the trailer and cleaning the church). Even the children had plenty to do, as they transported the partly assembled Bibles from station to station.

As a result, I hope to cultivate friendships with simply thousands of brothers and sisters in heaven who will be saved as a result of our church’s labor of love.

The project was one of the most satisfying events I have ever participated in, yet paradoxically, has left me starving for more! (I guess it’s because I was actually fulfilling my purpose as a Christian on this earth.)

For information on how to donate or participate, check out Seedline International.